A Caveat
I figure that it's only fair that I explain a few important things.
For starters, in case you haven't realized, I'm something of a social failure, and the primary reason I have time to sit aroudn and ponder all of this generally useless information (useless if you're anyone other than me) is because I don't do much else. Seriously, I'm an RA (Resident Advisor) for a dormitory at my university (James Madison University), and that's the extent of my social life outside of the activities I do with my small number of friends. Yeah, I basically do nothing. Everyone I know is either involved with organizations or know a fair number of people or have some kind of real social life. I'm too much of a social failure to do much, and so I spend most of my time sitting in my room either flittering about on the internet attempting to avoid doing homework or watching television. Honestly, that is the extent of my life.
The reason I am explaining this is so that you can understand who I am and take everything I say with a grain of salt. Because I spend so much time withdrawn from others, I spend a lot more time analyzing people rather than participating in life with them. This tendency often leads to being judgmental, and from there I have become a sanctimonious asshole. If you've read any of the entries in this blog or know me, you'll know that I am a sanctimonious jerk who acts like he's better than everyone else. That is obviously not the case with me. There are few things I'm better than, and people don't fall under that.
The sad truth is that I bore people to tears, and if you're reading this now you're probably crying. More horrible than the fact that writings like this exist is the fact that people like me exist to make them and have not yet died in some horrible way. These entries probably waste perfectly good server space that could be used for something a billion times more useful (like links to more porn sites). I'm not going to lie and pretend I'm not a boring person, because the sad but obvious truth is that I'm about as interesting as a piece of gravel. The most excitement you will get out of anything related to me is either through the much-deserved derisions about me or imagining what the world would be like if I would only stop talking.
Other things to know about me: I think I'm a good person. Clearly this is not the case. A good person is someone who tries to do good for other people, who puts others' welfare before their own (not necessarily all the time, just some of the time). If I were a good person, I'd realize that my presence is generally a mood killer and that I annoy people. I basically need to back off and let people live their lives without me making it even more annoying. The world is a beautiful place and I'm all too often the taint that ruins everything. Any social activity by me is usually or probably painful for anyone involved. I'm the kind of person who when you're around me, you hope to whatever God you believe in that I will not open my mouth. To be honest, I can't blame you. I would hope the same thing. Good also means being able to act on what you know is right, and since I'm still alive, I'm clearly not acting on what I know to be right. There would be much more joy in this world if I were not blotting out the sun with the horrendous shadow cast by insignificance and boringness.
I'm not bothered posting these rants on this blog because like everything I write, it is rarely read (and for good reason too). For me to expect someone to read this is like expecting the ocean to give up its tide; it's not going to happen. I can more or less say whatever I want in this ridiculous entry because nobody is truly going to read it, and if they do, they'll at least know after this entry that there is such a thing as evil in the world (evil being the fact that I've been permitted to live all this time).
What I'm trying to impress upon you from this entry is that everything I say is worthless. My usage of big words is probably some sad attempt to bolster my own self-esteem by trying to believe that I'm smart. Truth: my writings here and everywhere else, and my biggest regret is that I infringe on the joy of other people. People like me have low self-esteem because they have nothing to esteem themselves for. What are my positive strongpoints? Nothing really. Maybe my best strong point is my inability to make friends because it least gives hope for justice in the world by showing that not everyone needs to have their lives ruined by my presence. So can I really blame anyone? No. I should probably be burning in some kind of metaphorical hell for all of this.
I'm a philosophy and religion major (which means I'm retarded), and I have aspirations of one day becoming a professor for some university. Let's be realistic though: I should never be allowed to teach. It would be an injustice to my students and to my peers, largely because I'm too horrible at being a human being to really do much of anything for anybody. I wish I could believe that I was more interesting, more kind, more fun to be around, but I don't. Dreams are reserved for those who have the capacity to achieve them, and since I don't have the ability to do any real work, I definitely do not deserve dreams. So despite all the lofty goals I've set for myself in life, the fame and knowledge I'd love to acquire, it's all bullshit (for me). My only real ambition should be an ambition to die, but sadly I can't control my instincts enough to make sure I die.
What you should draw from atrociously long entry is this: when you meet someone who is so boring that you'd rather shoot yourself than talk to them for about 3 minutes, run away. Chances are, they're me, and if it's me, you're day has just been ruined. I wish I could make things better, even if it was just jumping in a meat grinder. Anyways, I'm tired and pissed off at myself for daring to believe I'm intelligent, for thinking that I have good ideas. I have none of those things; all I have is my stupidity and my inability to be good enough to other people in the ways they need most.
For starters, in case you haven't realized, I'm something of a social failure, and the primary reason I have time to sit aroudn and ponder all of this generally useless information (useless if you're anyone other than me) is because I don't do much else. Seriously, I'm an RA (Resident Advisor) for a dormitory at my university (James Madison University), and that's the extent of my social life outside of the activities I do with my small number of friends. Yeah, I basically do nothing. Everyone I know is either involved with organizations or know a fair number of people or have some kind of real social life. I'm too much of a social failure to do much, and so I spend most of my time sitting in my room either flittering about on the internet attempting to avoid doing homework or watching television. Honestly, that is the extent of my life.
The reason I am explaining this is so that you can understand who I am and take everything I say with a grain of salt. Because I spend so much time withdrawn from others, I spend a lot more time analyzing people rather than participating in life with them. This tendency often leads to being judgmental, and from there I have become a sanctimonious asshole. If you've read any of the entries in this blog or know me, you'll know that I am a sanctimonious jerk who acts like he's better than everyone else. That is obviously not the case with me. There are few things I'm better than, and people don't fall under that.
The sad truth is that I bore people to tears, and if you're reading this now you're probably crying. More horrible than the fact that writings like this exist is the fact that people like me exist to make them and have not yet died in some horrible way. These entries probably waste perfectly good server space that could be used for something a billion times more useful (like links to more porn sites). I'm not going to lie and pretend I'm not a boring person, because the sad but obvious truth is that I'm about as interesting as a piece of gravel. The most excitement you will get out of anything related to me is either through the much-deserved derisions about me or imagining what the world would be like if I would only stop talking.
Other things to know about me: I think I'm a good person. Clearly this is not the case. A good person is someone who tries to do good for other people, who puts others' welfare before their own (not necessarily all the time, just some of the time). If I were a good person, I'd realize that my presence is generally a mood killer and that I annoy people. I basically need to back off and let people live their lives without me making it even more annoying. The world is a beautiful place and I'm all too often the taint that ruins everything. Any social activity by me is usually or probably painful for anyone involved. I'm the kind of person who when you're around me, you hope to whatever God you believe in that I will not open my mouth. To be honest, I can't blame you. I would hope the same thing. Good also means being able to act on what you know is right, and since I'm still alive, I'm clearly not acting on what I know to be right. There would be much more joy in this world if I were not blotting out the sun with the horrendous shadow cast by insignificance and boringness.
I'm not bothered posting these rants on this blog because like everything I write, it is rarely read (and for good reason too). For me to expect someone to read this is like expecting the ocean to give up its tide; it's not going to happen. I can more or less say whatever I want in this ridiculous entry because nobody is truly going to read it, and if they do, they'll at least know after this entry that there is such a thing as evil in the world (evil being the fact that I've been permitted to live all this time).
What I'm trying to impress upon you from this entry is that everything I say is worthless. My usage of big words is probably some sad attempt to bolster my own self-esteem by trying to believe that I'm smart. Truth: my writings here and everywhere else, and my biggest regret is that I infringe on the joy of other people. People like me have low self-esteem because they have nothing to esteem themselves for. What are my positive strongpoints? Nothing really. Maybe my best strong point is my inability to make friends because it least gives hope for justice in the world by showing that not everyone needs to have their lives ruined by my presence. So can I really blame anyone? No. I should probably be burning in some kind of metaphorical hell for all of this.
I'm a philosophy and religion major (which means I'm retarded), and I have aspirations of one day becoming a professor for some university. Let's be realistic though: I should never be allowed to teach. It would be an injustice to my students and to my peers, largely because I'm too horrible at being a human being to really do much of anything for anybody. I wish I could believe that I was more interesting, more kind, more fun to be around, but I don't. Dreams are reserved for those who have the capacity to achieve them, and since I don't have the ability to do any real work, I definitely do not deserve dreams. So despite all the lofty goals I've set for myself in life, the fame and knowledge I'd love to acquire, it's all bullshit (for me). My only real ambition should be an ambition to die, but sadly I can't control my instincts enough to make sure I die.
What you should draw from atrociously long entry is this: when you meet someone who is so boring that you'd rather shoot yourself than talk to them for about 3 minutes, run away. Chances are, they're me, and if it's me, you're day has just been ruined. I wish I could make things better, even if it was just jumping in a meat grinder. Anyways, I'm tired and pissed off at myself for daring to believe I'm intelligent, for thinking that I have good ideas. I have none of those things; all I have is my stupidity and my inability to be good enough to other people in the ways they need most.
posted by Andrew McKenna at 9:22 PM
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